The Compendium of Crabby Customers

"Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity."

Buddha

Is it just me, or is the entire world on grouchy steroids lately? I’ve worked with the public for over forty years and never encountered such Maxine-like crabbiness. Mind you, I work at the same place, providing the same product and service we’ve offered for the past three years. Not much has changed except the attitude of the clientele. Everyday at least one individual comes in with a Paul Bunyan-sized chip on his/her shoulder, daring you to knock it off. I’ve been cursed at, threatened, lectured, and scolded by customers more in the past six months than in my whole career. In the words of Chicago’s cell-block matron, Mama Morton, “Whatever happened to class?”

Most evenings, I come home and my poor hubby listens to me vent for an hour. (Okay…maybe two.) On one such evening this past week, I ended with the rant, “And then he threatened to turn us over to the Better Business Bureau! I’d like to turn him over to something!”

“There ought to be a board where you could report people like that,” hubby empathized.

And thus the Crabby Customer Compendium was born. The CCC (no relation to the BBB) would be a comprehensive list of consumers whose reputations for rudeness negate their rights for courteous service. Only customer service people could join. I know at least 100 sales associates ready to sign up. “I’d pay for a membership,” endorsed my boss.

Once a Crabby Customer is placed on the Compendium he/she would forfeit all expectations of service. The CC could attain release from the Compendium by issuing sincere apologies (think groveling here) to the injured service providers. These apologies must be accompanied by copious quantities of baked goods. Works for me.

And then I began to analyze. What drives this boom of grumpiness as of late? Why has humanity suddenly become so…inhumane?

The answer is so obvious. What is driving us (and yes, I just said “us”) is plain old fear. Fear of being without. Fear of losing control. Fear of not being on top. Like the child on the playground who has had his lunch money stolen, we seek to bully the kid who is smaller, weaker. When you stop to realize what’s driving all this crabbiness you have to take pity on the crab. But it would be so much easier just to send them to the Crabby Customer Compendium. (Insert heavy sigh here.)

I was suddenly aware of just how much I had been operating as of late out of fear. The sage says, (and forgive me—I’ve forgotten which one) that we despise most in others that which we recognize in ourselves. Jesus advised his followers to not look for the splinter in another’s eye unless we can first remove the plank of wood from their own.

So…what individuals have I slighted lately with less respect than they deserve? Let’s see…there was that cashier who questioned my ad match coupon at the big box store…the mechanic who called me “Little Lady” one too many times, the new restaurant where I was quick to criticize and slow to savor. It seems that I, too, need to spend some time on the Crabby Customer Compendium. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have copious amounts of baked goods to prepare.