The Kitchen Garden Novice Croaks

The other day during a worship service we were watching a video of Esther Abraham-Hicks, and to say the least, I became distracted. (We've already established that I have the attention span of my puppy, so let's just leave it at that.) It wasn't that she didn't have a powerful insight to share. But she kept using the word "croak," for dying. She was making light of death, pointing out that "croaking" is not a bad thing in that it returns our essential selves to the Source from which we came. But all I could think of was all of the outlandish euphemisms we resort to when we speak of death.

My mind wandered off to an old Monty Python sketch called "The Dead Parrot." For those of you who've never seen this comedy, you can still catch it on YouTube. The skit still holds up today. In it, John Cleese goes on a rant, listing every euphemism he can think of to describe a dead parrot, sold to him by a disreputable pet store owner.  He lists quite a few. But it seems to me, there are a number he overlooked. Here in no particular order are some that popped to the top of my wandering imagination.

For the pirate lovers we have:
     "He took a long walk off a short plank." Rather self-explanatory, wouldn't you agree?
     "He sleeps with the fishes," (also used by Mario Puzo in The Godfather to describe Luca Brasi,) and
      "They rest in Davy Jones' Locker." (Did you know that the name Davy Jones comes from the term Devil Jonah--a reference to the dark angel God sicced on Jonah until his shipmates threw him overboard?) Arrrggghhh! Where was I?

Of the recently deceased archeologist we might say:
     "She lies entombed." or
     "He's become extinct."

For the belly-up bulldozer driver we could say:
     "He's taking a dirt nap."

Might we not refer to a mortified motorcross racer as having
    "bit the dust?" (Okay. Yes, I know that was a Wild West shoot-out term.) But we might also say:
    "He made the big jump."

Of a late agriculturalist might we not say:
     "He bought the farm," ? (Actually this euphemism is thought to have originated with WWI soldiers whose death insurance benefits were used to pay off the family homestead mortgages.)

Of the departed milkmaid shouldn't we report:
     "She kicked the bucket?" (This probably alludes to hanging oneself, but everytime I hear this phrase it connects itself in my pea brain to "crying over spilled milk." Hmm...

For the resting-at-peace airline pilot might we say:
     "He bought a one-way ticket," or perhaps:
     "He's gone off to that big hangar in the sky,"?

For the deceased real estate agent we might say:
     "She's selling pine condos."

For the passed on hotel desk clerk we might say:
     "He's checked out--permanently."

Couldn't we say of the lifeless florist:
     "She's pushing up daisies."?

Of the late, great Julia Childs might we not say,
     "She's cooled to room temperature,"?

And, last but not least, for one brown-thumbed Kitchen Garden Novice, who kills off everything she plants, I'm sure they'll someday observe,
     "She's gone into the fertilizer business."